Vet Visit

The good news is that Chance's eyes are fine. He has one very small cataract in his right eye but nothing to worry about, it isn't effecting his sight at all. We are testing for lyme disease just to rule it out, because the symtoms of the disease vary so much it won't hurt to check. She explained that it can effect his eye sight, can cause some neurological problems, and of course pain. Then I'm going to have a chiro done and his teeth floated before the really cold weather kicks in. It is possible that the swelling he had around the right eye could have come from bumping it causing him to knock something out. He could be experiencing some pain somewhere which would also explain the anxiety.

Eyes

I played with Pilot for a short time today and everything was just fine. If I was presenting myself or something I'm asking in a scary or questionable way I'm guessing it would show up in Pilot too. He is a different horse with a different personality but still a horse. I haven't handled Pilot a lot, so I would think that if I were asking him to do something in a confusing way he would have let me know. I didn't see anything in Pilot's behavior that told me I was upsetting him or confusing him. Infact it was just the opposite, he was quiet, calm and seemed perfectly fine with me asking him to anything. I was even able to ask him to walk and trot around me and we were both okay. I didn't ask for a canter because he has a hoof injury from his racing days and he wasn't wearing his boots, he is feeling good right now and I didn't want to aggravate it.

So now what to do about Chance. I'm going to start with a vet exam, I'm really concerned about his right eye. He had an issue with being one-sided when I 1st got him. I spent a lot of time working on it, I felt it had been resolved. I am very right hand dominant and tend to spend more time on his left because it is easier for me, but....I have always been conscious of it and do spend time on his right. I had forgotten about some swelling he had around his right eye a few days before Libby's clinic. There was no discharge and the swelling got better on it's own within 2 days. I thought no more about it and took him to the clinic. I was blindsided by his behavior at the clinic and he has been full of anxiety ever since. I have been beating myself up trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, and I'm not saying it's not me, but I've got to rule out a physical problem before I continue any more work with him. The vet is coming tomorrow afternoon so I don't have too long to wait for an answer. Thank goodness.

Played with Chance

Okay, so I came home with a very strong drive to go out and see my horse. I changed into my new fleece lined jeans from LL Bean (it's cold out there) and off I went. I can't say we had fun, infact frustration fits better. He can't stand without trying to nibble on me, he won't hold his front feet up at all, and he really doesn't want me on his right side. Finally after he was willing to pick up a front foot on his own and keep it up for 2 seconds I went on to something different. I turned the rope halter inside-out so it ties on the right and we went for a walk around the inside of the paddock. Then I went to his left and worked on an exercise we had done before which helped the right eye issue. I stand on his left and ask him to turn his head toward me while covering the left eye. Since he can't see me with the left eye he has to use the right eye to see me. Then I went back to the right and just stood quietly with him. I stood quietly while he continued to try and nibble or bump me with his head. After a few unsuccessful tries he then started to yawn and yawn. This was good, a release of some stress he has been holding. I took the halter off and decided we were finished. As I was standing there I saw the jolly ball and started kicking it around the paddock. The horses looked at me like I had possibly lost my mind. After a couple of kicks Pilot decided to investigate. I would kick it and he would walk over and sniff it. Then he would look at me with the cutest expression and I would kick it again. He would sniff it and then I would kick it. After about 4 kicks he decided the game was over and eating hay was a much better idea.

So, I need to change something and I don't know what it is. No, I do know that the big thing I need to change is working consistantly with Chance. But in my life that can be pretty unrealistic. Is that the big reason he is having such a hard time? After a clinic of 3 to 5 days we are pretty solid as a pair. Then life gets in the way and a period of time goes by without working with him and he seems to forget everything. The anxiety is there, he can't focus and right now I think even putting the saddle on him would be hard. Blahh. Normally I can say that I walk into that paddock with the rest of my world back at the house. I try so hard to be quiet inside and focused on what we are doing. Right now I'm frustrated because I feel so stuck. I just want to ride and enjoy my horse. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. When we have days like this I go back to the old "do what you can, not what you can't". That is even hard right now. Blahh.

I've decide that for the rest of today I'm not going to work or try to accomplish anything. I'm going clear my thoughts and then go to my daughter's chorus concert in a little while. And...........I love my new fleece lined jeans.

Fear

I did some ground work with Chance today and which led to learning more about me. He is having a very difficult time with transitions. To be more specific - When asking him to move around me at a walk he is okay, asking him to transition to a trot and then a canter is difficult for him. He bucks, crow hops, pulls back, tries to come in on me and whatever he can think of to avoid the transition. This relates to me because I have always hated lunging horses and even though this isn't really lunging it is asking a horse to move quickly in a circle around me. This has always scared me and I have always tried to avoid this groundwork exercise. Chance knows this and because I think something bad is going to happen (I'm going to get kicked, run over, whatever) I'm sure he does to.
How do I fix this? I'm going to have to face my fear and work through it. I'll do it with help and as safely as possible but this one is going to be hard. This is what I worked on for 2 days at Libby's clinic and why I had such a hard time that weekend. I need to fix this, it's holding me and my horse back.

Yea

I passed my CDL permit test today for my class B license! Actually there were 4 tests to take and I passed them all the 1st time. I'm pretty excited knowing that this part is over, I have literally been falling asleep in my book studying at night. Next week I'll start driving a school bus on the road, yikes. I'm looking forward to that, I think it will be fun. Of course the bus won't have 60+ kids on it either! I've always had a great appreciation for school bus drivers, I'm about to get a whole new education and an even greater appreciation.

Lately this blog has been more about getting things in order, organizing, jobs, etc. and less about Chance. I really feel like if I don't take care of these things that I can't give Chance 100% of me when I'm working with him. My mind has felt cluttered and my ultimate goal is to feel quiet inside. I want to have "withyouness" when working with Chance (thanks L). We both deserve that and I'm doing both of us a great service by taking care of the things that get in the way. I've had a lot of "clutter" in my mind and my house for too long, it feels really good to finally be taking care of it.

Inspiration

So the organization mission is now going a little slower than I had hoped because I have started my new job. I have added 20+ hours of driving to the rest of my schedule. I don't feel stressed out at all (that's big for me) but I do need to re-organize again. Jaye inspired me over the weekend, she has started working with Jed and asked me to help by riding Striker so Jed can be taken on trail rides. It was fun to ride Striker again, I was reminded of what it felt like to be on a trail ride on a horse that isn't tons of work or scary. Although she is 22, she has lots of energy, a nice forward walk and a mind of her own :) She is also a gift. She lets you know exactly how she is feeling - happy and ready to go explore or finished and ready to go back. A great horse to help re-build confidence and inspiration. I'm sure this week will be hectic again, but less than last week. The 30 day plan with Chance ended way before the 30 days but that just means I get to start again.