Reality Check

After last nights post I had another realization. Not only do I push my horse through scary stuff, I do the same to myself. I have done it for as long as I can remember, when something is too hard for me to deal with I will 1st-try to ignore it, when that doesn't work I will down play it (try to make it less important than it is) and when that doesn't work I will push through it and hope I make it on the other side in one piece. The scary issue hasn't really gone away, I've just avoided dealing with it. My horse won't let me do that anymore. You can't ignore a 1000lb animal that is scared and needs to get away. He is going to take care of himself if I don't. If I had slowed down the other day and waited until we both felt okay about walking to the barn I would have changed everything for the better. I think the big lesson here for me is that you can face what is scary, possibly become more confident, and there is a good chance you can make it out on the other side feeling pretty good. It amazes me that I have been doing this for so long and I didn't see it. Now that I have finally figured it out can I fix it? I'm going to do my best to try.

I don't think I would have ever figured this out without my horse. They are truly mirror images and if we would take the time to listen to them we would all be much better off. I talked to a good friend recently about self worth and why we humans don't always feel we deserve good things. I can't answer that. I know that I have been working on becoming a better listener, a better horsewoman and just all around working on me because of the love I feel for this horse. He tries so hard for me and has come so far in the short time I have had him. I have an obligation to do that for him. But I don't do it because of the obligation, I do it because I want him to be happy, confident and to have a good life. And through all this hard personal work for him he is giving me more than I could have ever dreamed of. I am becoming more confident, happy and I hope a better person. I think I am getting the better part of this deal.

Horses are amazing teachers.

I learned a Good Lesson

I learned a lesson yesterday-slow down, be more aware of my surroundings, and don't try to rush through the scary place hoping to get to the other side in one piece.

When walking Chance from the driveway to the barn, (which requires walking on the main road and is a hot spot for me) Chance became very aware of something that was making him nervous. I looked around and saw nothing. This is when I get myself in trouble, my horse starts to show signs of being afraid, I don't see the problem and force him through it. Now yesterday I did look around and when I couldn't see the problem I thought that getting to the barn as quickly as possible was the answer to his fear. And hopefully we would get there without an explosion. I was lucky because we did get there in one piece. As we were turning into the barn driveway he ran in front of me very quickly and spun around and I heard a voice say "Hi Laura." It was a neighbor out jogging in a very bright shirt. I had no idea she was there, but Chance did. And as far as he was concerned she was a very bright mountain lion getting ready to eat us. Now if I had listened to my horse and taken a couple of minutes to figure out what was bothering him this whole thing would have been avoided. Nothing bad happened but in Chance's mind this brightly colored mountain lion was chasing us and getting ready for the kill and I set us up for it. If I had slowed down and checked things out I would have seen her too and we would have been behind her. I did look around, but quickly. When I didn't see anything my answer was to just get through it. Well, Chance I'm sorry and I promise to slow down and listen to you. I want better than to just get through it. I want him to trust me. I think I finally know how to fix that. With a better awareness of my surroundings, my horse and just plain slowing down.

We went for a ride

I took Chance for a little ride around the neighborhood today. Just for the fun of it. Also to see how he did in the front of the trailer. He usually rides in the back but because he is the only horse going and the ride is so long, I think he should be in front to keep the weight closer to the truck. He was a little confused and thought he should stay in the back of the trailer. He would walk to the front and turn around, then stop at the back waiting for the door to shut. After 3 times I had to re-think this. The 4th time he walked in, turned around again and stopped at the door. So I backed him to the front and asked him to stand. I then closed the divider and took off the lead line. Then we went for a little ride. He never really relaxed or ate any of the hay but he did poop and I thought that was a good sign. It was a short ride, and very uneventful. Just perfect. Maybe I'll put a saddle on him tomorrow.

Clinic this weekend?

I am going to a clinic this weekend with Chance in Harmony, Maine with Karina Lewis. This is the 2nd time this winter I am attempting the trip. Darn weather keeps messing it up. The news is saying possible snow on Friday, the day I plan to leave. Regardless, I am going to remain positive! I have already made my check list and started to load the trailer. I have high hopes that this weekend will help me with my anxiety about riding. I know that what I need is time in the saddle, even if it means just getting on and off. I need to be patient with myself. I need to trust myself and my horse. I need to let go of the control I feel I need to have. I need to have fun with my horse. And I need to stop saying the word need. I am going to work through this. I am going to have fun and if I get to go it will be an exciting adventure. This won't be solved in one weekend but taking a trip like this is a great way to start this riding season. My only request for Mother Nature is...please, no more snow and if at all possible maybe temps above 40? Not forever, I'd be happy with one week.

Is it Spring yet?

I can't believe it has been a month and 1/2 since I last posted. I've been busy getting taxes ready, trying to organize the house, and doing little things with Chance. I got some great advice from somebody about how to help him with his feet. She told me it is a very common problem. Somewhere in his training somebody did not let him have his foot when he needed it back. Now
he takes it back when he wants it whether he needs it or not. The new method is to let him have it as soon as he needs it. But to ask for it immediately when it is back on the ground and keep asking until he picks it back up again. The idea is to have the quiet place be when the foot is up. Then give it back before he asks or tugs again. Each time hold it for a different amount of time.
If he tugs before I give it back just repeat the process. I can feel a difference in both of us now. We are both WAY more relaxed! He is making the connection and I am not making a big deal out of this anymore. I think he is very relieved that I have finally gotton it! I guess we humans can learn new tricks after all!

I started taking centered riding lessons. Well, I've had one anyway. It was mostly at the walk and being led around so I could focus on just me. I loved the visuals and the whole thought process with this way of learning. This seems to be the key to help fill the holes I have in my riding right now. I almost called R for a few lessons but I decided to go to somebody who doesn't know me at all. I have had some anxiety creeping up when I ride Chance. So much that I have to remember to breathe. It takes me a long time to get on and as soon as I am on I am ready to get off. I have to talk myself into asking for one step and if it goes okay, I might ask for another. I really want to enjoy my horse so I think the lessons are not only going to help with my seat but it is getting me on other horses so I can work my way up to Chance again. I think money is only going to allow a few lessons but even after just the one I feel like I already have a better seat. My ultimate goal is to ride bareback at the walk, trot and canter. I am determined to get there, its going to be fun and will probably take a while. But I'm okay with that, I'm on horse time and it doesn't get much better than that!