New Life in the Barn

4 Baby Bantam Chickies


This is Phoebe, she is a Sultan Chicken and she is having a 'bad hair day'.



It has been a week now since Shadow died, it's getting easier for me to go to the barn. Having the chicks living in his stall has been a huge help, looking at the empty stall hurt too much. The new chicks are fun, it's nice having new life here. Phoebe isn't quite sure what to think of them but she is enjoying their food. Phoebe came here at the end of last summer, she was the smallest hen at Jayes and getting pretty beat up. She came to live here, has recovered very nicely and lays an egg every day. She is one of the friendliest chickens I have ever known, following me around like a little puppy and even allowing me to pick her up. Madison, a 5 year old girl we know came to visit one day. She had never seen a chicken up close before and loved holding Phoebe. She found Phoebe's egg brought it home and as far as I know she still refuses to eat it. She even wrote a story for school about her adventure at the barn with Phoebe the chicken.

Shadow

This is the 1st time since Friday that I have been able to sit down and try to write about loosing him. It doesn't matter how much you prepare for something like this, your heart is never ready for the amount of pain it takes to say goodbye.

Shadow had started struggling with laminitis again last weekend. He was noticeably sore and his pulse was up on Saturday afternoon so I put him in his stall and gave him bute. By Sunday morning he was fine. As the week went on he was having pain on and off, nothing alarming, so I just watched him and did what I could to make him comfortable when it was needed. Late Thursday afternoon as he was walking across the paddock I saw him start to struggle with walking. He managed to get himself to me and I helped him get into a stall. He was comfortable enough in the stall to stay standing and he was able to move around slowly.
I gave him more bute hoping that by Friday he would be okay. Deep down I knew that this time he probably wouldn't be. He was in too much pain, this time it was bad. I had made him and myself a promise that the next time this happened I would put him down. He didn't deserve anymore pain and he didn't deserve to live like this anymore. When I saw him Friday morning I took him out of the stall, every step was extremely painful. The decision had been made, it was time and I really believe that he was ready. He didn't want to live like this anymore than I could stand to watch it.

The vet was called, arrangements were made to bury him, and then I spent the day waiting. It was a day that I don't think I can put into words. I had given Shadow enough bute and banamine to help with the pain while standing in the stall, knowing that he was comfortable helped. I was lucky to have the day to say goodbye. I would go between the house and the barn, doing office work for a distraction when I needed it and then spending time with Shadow. Somebody was here working on the trailer and needed some tools and help, that was also a good distraction. But having the whole day was also horrible. It was one of the longest days of my life, an emotional roller coaster. I was on auto pilot, everything was ready but I'm not sure that I really believed it was going to happen. I think we must go into some kind of protection mode to keep from going into shock. There were times that I couldn't breathe and the pain was overwhelming. But I also felt numb, like it wasn't real.

The vet arrived around 5:00. It was the same vet that had been taking care of him for the last 3 years. I was very grateful for that. She was wonderful with Shadow...and me. When the time came she worked quickly but was also kind and soft. Shadow's last moments were without pain and with a mouthful of clover.

As hard as it was I never felt like I was making a mistake. And even now that it is over and my pony is gone I still know it was the right thing to do. I suppose I could have continued to give him the pain meds, he may have pulled out of it again. But it would have happened again. When we take on the responsibility of an animal for life we also take on the responsibility of their death. I once heard somebody say that we can't have love without pain. Making the decision to let him go was up to now the most painful decision I have ever had to make. But I made it because I love him.

I don't think I could ever describe the bond that Shadow and I shared. Even in the last couple of years when I wasn't riding him anymore we could still read each others thoughts, the communication between us was amazing. He was truly a gift and I will be forever grateful for having him in my life.

So for now, I am going through each day trying to stay busy. The tears come a lot and I don't even try to stop them. I miss him just as much as I thought I would and maybe soon there will be a day that I can smile when I think of him and the tears won't come. He gave me so much to smile about. He was a wonderful friend.

Woodlyn's Count Shadow

April 15, 1979 - June 20, 2008








I'll miss you Shadowman, thank you for everything. You were the best.

Water

I think there is a higher message that I should be listening to. For the past 2 weeks water has starting turning up in many aspects of my life causing lots of turmoil.
-The water test for the spec house we sold has failed over and over again, too much iron. We called in a specialist who has installed a very expensive water system. We are now waiting for the new results.
-The water tank at HEP needed replacing. Todd wasn't available to help David so I did.
-The water for my barn isn't working now. David and I will have do some repiping later today.
-My ears are full of fluid causing painful ear infections. I can't hear anything out of my right ear and I am on my 2nd dose of antibiotics which is causing stomach pain and nausea.
-It is supposed to rain all week.
So if there is a message I should be listening to, I'M READY TO HEAR IT! Quickly before I drown!

Thank you ljb for explaining how to put the pictures on! This is fun.

Derek's Graduation Pictures

What a happy guy!

Derek and his best friend Steve

Derek getting his diploma, the other kid got in the way!

My niece Emma just 2 hours old.

This is a picture of Chance that was taken by

a very nice girl at the horse show.

Nice Ride

I am feeling pretty pumped up, as good as I did after each day of the clinic. So here I am hot,sweaty, dirty and dusty writing about the ride Chance and I just had. After almost 2 weeks of not touching him, he was exactly the same as when I left him. Soft, moving well and willing to work dispite the heat in the ring.

I don't really like to use the word "work" when I do things with Chance. I am approaching things with him as fun, light-hearted, matter of fact. It is working well. But on the other hand, we have put a lot of "work" into all we do, therefore making lots of progress. So I guess I'll keep using the word but it's meaning doesn't necessarily mean working. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I know what I mean.

We started with some ground work, that went pretty fast, almost boring. I tacked him up and we did more ground work with the saddle on. Within a few minutes he was yawning like crazy. He was centered and feeling good, so I got on. We did lots of stuff we both know how to do and some new stuff. We now have the beginning of side steps down. We never got close enough to the rock I put on the fence pole but lots of good steps. The rock will be waiting for the next ride. Everything was going so well that I decided to open the gate that leads to the paddock near the road. We got through the gate lots of times and a couple of steps on the hill that leads to the shady spot. I now truly know what it means to have unity and trust. Even though I was directing his mind & feet in the direction I wanted to go, every step he took was his idea. We were both very relaxed and feeling good about it all.

Today was a wonderful confidence builder for both of us! The best ride at home we have ever had!

Rundown and sick

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, I've run myself down and now I'm sick. My sister had her baby, Derek and my niece graduated - big party here last Sunday, Family visiting from Florida and New Orleans (saw my favorite uncle for the 1st time in 10 years) we finally sold the spec house after 2 years yea!(closed on Friday), getting the paperwork together to purchase the property across the road, and Marissa's 16th birthday is on Father's Day - this Sunday. All good stuff! But I'm beat!

Hanging inside with the A/C was okay when the temps and air were too much to deal with. But today is beautiful and I can't find the energy to ride. I'm not sure if I could pick up the saddle. A couple more days of rest is what I need so I'll just do it.

The up side to resting - I finished my book - Finding Pegasus by Terry Church. A very good book, thank you Jaye! Time to start another one.

And maybe I'll post some photos today.

Quotes

I am going to start writing down some short quotes for myself, I'm not sure if I am quoting other people or not, my only goal here is to write down some positive stuff.

-Difficult moments are opportunities, not problems.
-If you get to the end result without working for it, you have
missed out on the journey.
-Every horse has something to teach, you just have to be willing to learn.
-Horses are the best teachers of life lessons.
-If your horse won't go forward, the goal shouldn't be the next step. The goal should be improving the communication between you and your horse so he wants to move forward.
-If you 'know' you can ride your horse safely out of the ring you should go. If you 'think' you can ride your horse safely out of the ring you should wait until you 'know'.
-If you are riding and you feel you are just getting through it, you are just getting though it.
-If taking a big leap doesn't feel good inside go back and take baby steps.
-Building confidence takes time.
-Building a true partnership takes giving and taking. Mostly giving.
-Giving of yourself is the best gift you with ever receive.
-If you don't have your horses mind and feet you have an unsafe situation.

I'll add more later.

The Horse Show

I decided on a whim to take Chance to a horse show a week after the clinic. I wanted to enter a trails class (mostly for fun) to see how we were doing. Riding at home has been fun and easy, so I know we have made lots of progress.

I could tell right away that the whole thing was overwhelming for Chance. The funny thing about him is that he usually looks fine, very calm. But I could feel him. His insides were not okay. He has learned to stuff it and get through it. After tacking him up I took him for a walk around the grounds to take it all in, then I got on. It felt like the old us. Not the pair that left the clinic. He didn't feel okay and I was trying with all I had to keep it together for both of us. We started walking around, he felt like a rusty tin man. His legs didn't want to move. He couldn't walk in a straight line.

I had to come up with a plan, and the plan was probably going to change from minute to minute. I started to feel defeated. Like what is wrong with me? My horse looks fine, but he isn't! Why am I scared to death??? Because he doesn't feel right! So the plan at first was going to be just support Chance and maybe I would start feeling better. That worked a little. Then I decided I would get on and off Chance. That gave me something to do. He needed a job but his legs wouldn't move. He was taking short choppy steps, all over the place. Lots of one rein stops, just keep his mind with me and try my best to get to the feet. I really wanted to put a couple of barrels together and start the excercise we did at the clinic. We have done it at home and it works for both of us. This wasn't the place for that, but I really needed a way to get to my horse. I new right away I wasn't going to ride in the trails class, but ended up making the final decision at the last minute. The decision came when Chance saw the driving carts. I don't think he had ever seen one of those things! What I had of his mind was leaving fast when he saw them. I felt his back hump up under my seat. That was him telling me that he was finished. I didn't want to jump off with him feeling like that and I wanted to see if I could still communicate to him, and if he was able to respond. I asked for one more one rein stop and then a soft feel. I felt his entire body relax! The big humpy back was gone and I could feel a softer more relaxed horse under me. And then I got off.

Was getting off a mistake? Should I have pushed him through it? Absolutely not! For some stupid reason I feel like I need to defend myself and explain. I'm not sure why because nobody else can possibly know what Chance and I felt like at that moment. He probably looked okay, but he wasn't. I know this horse and we have worked way too hard to blow it on a trails class at a horse show. Maybe we are taking a long time to get to the place I want to be with Chance. But it's the journey that is so important for us. I have no doubt that somebody with more experience could get through all of this stuff with Chance so much faster than I can. But I think that is what makes us perfect for each other. We both need to go slow. We both have lots of confidence to gain. But we balance each other out, where he is weak, I am stronger and vice-versa. I had the perfect little riding pony, I love Shadow and loved all the fun we had. We could go anywhere together, he spoiled me rotten. But I didn't learn anything with him. I didn't learn how to stay safe or how to support my horse. He didn't need it.

So I guess if I look like I am struggling, yes I am. But I am also loving every minute of it! Chance is teaching me so much and I know I am helping him. If I had to do this all over again I wouldn't change a thing. There will be a day when I can hop on Chance and take off into the woods for a trail ride without giving it a second thought. And when that day comes I am going to appreciate it more than anything in the world! But for now I will appreciate the lessons he is teaching me and the progress we are making, we are exactly where we are supposed to be, we are doing exactly what we should be doing.

When I went to Hemphill's to find a horse I told myself that if I wasn't able to do everything I wanted with the horse I picked he was going back. So here I am today with Chance, 1 & 1/2 years later and I can't even ride him at a show. But I wouldn't bring him back or give him up for a million dollars. The bond this horse and I share, and the lessons I am learning are priceless.

Busy Week - not much riding

My son graduates from high school on Friday and my sister had a baby girl on Sunday. I am so happy for both of them! What a funny comparison; my son is starting his new life, college in the fall and my new neice is starting her new life, from the beginning. It's an exciting week, but there hasn't been time for riding. Maybe I can sneek in a short ride today or tomorrow.