Okay, so I came home with a very strong drive to go out and see my horse. I changed into my new fleece lined jeans from LL Bean (it's cold out there) and off I went. I can't say we had fun, infact frustration fits better. He can't stand without trying to nibble on me, he won't hold his front feet up at all, and he really doesn't want me on his right side. Finally after he was willing to pick up a front foot on his own and keep it up for 2 seconds I went on to something different. I turned the rope halter inside-out so it ties on the right and we went for a walk around the inside of the paddock. Then I went to his left and worked on an exercise we had done before which helped the right eye issue. I stand on his left and ask him to turn his head toward me while covering the left eye. Since he can't see me with the left eye he has to use the right eye to see me. Then I went back to the right and just stood quietly with him. I stood quietly while he continued to try and nibble or bump me with his head. After a few unsuccessful tries he then started to yawn and yawn. This was good, a release of some stress he has been holding. I took the halter off and decided we were finished. As I was standing there I saw the jolly ball and started kicking it around the paddock. The horses looked at me like I had possibly lost my mind. After a couple of kicks Pilot decided to investigate. I would kick it and he would walk over and sniff it. Then he would look at me with the cutest expression and I would kick it again. He would sniff it and then I would kick it. After about 4 kicks he decided the game was over and eating hay was a much better idea.
So, I need to change something and I don't know what it is. No, I do know that the big thing I need to change is working consistantly with Chance. But in my life that can be pretty unrealistic. Is that the big reason he is having such a hard time? After a clinic of 3 to 5 days we are pretty solid as a pair. Then life gets in the way and a period of time goes by without working with him and he seems to forget everything. The anxiety is there, he can't focus and right now I think even putting the saddle on him would be hard. Blahh. Normally I can say that I walk into that paddock with the rest of my world back at the house. I try so hard to be quiet inside and focused on what we are doing. Right now I'm frustrated because I feel so stuck. I just want to ride and enjoy my horse. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. When we have days like this I go back to the old "do what you can, not what you can't". That is even hard right now. Blahh.
I've decide that for the rest of today I'm not going to work or try to accomplish anything. I'm going clear my thoughts and then go to my daughter's chorus concert in a little while. And...........I love my new fleece lined jeans.
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3 comments:
There certainly are a lifetime of learning moments ahead -- for me at least, and I'll assume for you, too. *g* Meanwhile, can you adopt an attitude of 'I look forward to learning more about this which currently puzzles me, and until that insight comes, I'll find ways to enjoy my time with Chance'...
I guess I've gotten pretty good at adjusting my expectations and the things I say to myself in order to feel good about who I am today, and about the beings in my life, two leggeds and four leggeds.
I wish we lived closer. I'd love to come spend time with you and Chance. He sounds like one of those special gifts in our lives that manage to get us to make some important changes, despite our reluctance! LOL
When I go back and read my posts from last week I can see that patience wasn't my best quality! One of those human weeks.
I have taken a few days to reflect on why I keep coming to this point with Chance. I don't have an answer. What I do know is that Chance is an amazing gift and even when I'm frustated I am so grateful to have him. I have a feeling that when I'm really ready to listen he'll give me the answers I need to make the important changes. What I would like is for somebody to say to me "you need to do X Y & Z and it will all be fixed." But, I know the reality is that this is something I'm going to have to resolve within myself. I know there's a reason why we keep coming to this roadblock, we get so far and then...boom. He is trying to tell me what I'm missing, I'm just not hearing him and that frustrates me more than anything.
For now I'll finish taking care of the physcial stuff to make sure he is okay and then I don't know. I think I'm going to stop trying to figure it out. Maybe thats part of it, I'm focusing way too hard on what's wrong instead of what's right. I get so excited when we are making progress that when we have a set back I take it too hard. Instead of just taking each day as it comes I set us up with too many expectations which isn't fair for either of us.
I would love to have you closer, but getting your input on the blog does help. You give me things to think about and help me look at myself...which I'm very sure Chance appreciates! :) Maybe someday when you are in the area again we can arrange some time in our schedules for you to come see us. Until then, thank you for reading my blog and for all of your help!
Dear LLM, you are most welcome. I think I find it easy to write comments because we have met and I am aware of your sensitivity, determination, openness, and all those other great qualities.
One thing I've been tuning in to more and more is how much info my horses need from me, like some of them need something moment after moment. Some of that info is my little acknowledgments of 'yes' or 'yes, and can we do a bit more' or 'yes, and how about over here sorry I wasn't clear'...
I guess I could say I've been doing my communication more like letters in the past -- write something and stick it in the mail and wait a few days *g* for a response. Oops! The response is instantaneous, which doesn't leave me much time at all to stop and think about what I just did or what I'm going to do next or how about what's for dinner tonight.
Anyway, that came to mind, something more to be thunking 'bout. *g*
Sun is shining. I will (this is my commitment statement!) do something with a horse this afternoon in between putting firewood in the cellar!!
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