That last post was really whiny!

After reading what I wrote I realize how whiny I sounded! I guess I'm just having a week of doubts and feeling insecure. But I haven't given up and I don't plan on it.

The little things are big, but I'm still afraid

It is funny how the little things mean so much now. My goals have changed tremendously in the last year. It makes me so happy to see Chance as part of a herd now. The ponies are old but they are good company for him. CC doesn't realize that he is almost 30 so he does make a good playmate at times. Other times it's not so pretty between the two of them, but CC is teaching Chance boundaries and giving him companionship, I can do that too but I'm not a horse.

Chance has learned to be okay with the saddle pad and he is starting to be good with the saddle now too. His feet are getting freed up which is making a big difference with his mind. Backing is still not great but its better and he tries so hard! Small steps but they mean so much.

So why is it that even though we are making progress I still have doubts and fear? I guess I have a tendency to be hard on myself. I guess that's the human side of me. Chance is also doing better with standing while I pretend to get on. I never thought I would be okay with 'pretending' to get on. It IS a big deal that my horse is willing to stand still for me. and that he WANTS to be with me. Even though so much has been so scary for him never stops trying.

It is hard to go back to the beginning (and I do mean the beginning) with a horse that has had trauma like Chance. It is also amazing how forgiving he is when I make a mistake. Sometimes I wonder if he is too much for me or will we really get to the place I dream about? And even after making progress every time we do something I still wonder if the fear is going to go away, will I be able to be a leader for him? I think we can get there. I wish I could say I know it because if the doubts don't go away I'm afraid I am holding us back. I guess I will stick to the stuff we know today and just see what happens.

Buster's Clinic

I watched the colt-starting clinic on Thursday and Sunday. Missed the days in between but still got a lot from the 1st day and the last. The 1st day was very exciting. Watching those young horses get saddled and then put in a ring together was crazy. They had to re-establish the herd everytime a new horse came in. It was amazing to see those sweet horses turn into a wild herd. It was like they had never been domesticated at all. It gave me a whole new appreciation for a horse.

Two things I walked away with that I can put into action right now are to use meaning when presenting something to the horse and to have purpose in whatever you do with the horse. I already knew both, but it was a good reminder and I don't think they had really sunk in for me yet. Watching good horsemen do what they do can really make me feel that I know nothing. But then I remind myself of where I was even just last summer and where I am now. I still have so much to learn but being critical of myself will only hurt my confidence. I am right where I should be today and will continue to learn with an open mind and a happy heart.

Now I'm off to the barn. :)

Day 1 - helping Chance with the Saddle

Things have gotton pretty busy in the last couple of weeks so I haven't done very much horsey stuff. Today I was cleaning up the old hay left from the winter and decided to take the saddle and pad out for Chance to look at. I put it on a rubbermade tote (my saddle rack was not here) next to Chance while he ate some hay. At first he ignored the saddle and ate. After about 20 min he walked around it, sniffed it, then went back to the hay. About 10 min later he did it again this time picked up the saddle pad dropped it on the ground and stomped on it with his front foot, then went back to the hay. After another 10 min he walked around the saddle again and sniffed it. I was REALLY glad he didn't stomp on it! It is just a saddle, but brand new. When he went back to the hay and seemed to loose interest in both the saddle and pad I put them away. That was all for day 1.

Oh Shadow...

I found Shadow in the round bale feeder again this morning. (Just his front legs) The first time I found him in there he had only his front legs in so I tried helping him back out. That was only stressing him out so as I stood back trying to figure out what I was going to do he took care of the problem. He took a couple of steps forward so that now he was completely in, turned around and walked out. Now I know this wasn't the 1st time because he was magically getting into Chances paddock every now and then. I just wasn't sure how. Now I know.
So... here we were again with Shadow half way into the feeder. I decided to leave him alone and let him get out on his own again. He put the rest of his body inside the feeder and as he started to step out his right front hoof got caught. Before I could get to him he pushed it back and it was free. So now he is half way out. The rear left leg came out and as he was stepping out with the right rear his pastern got caught. I am SO glad he is not a reactive pony. He did start to panic at first and started pulling his leg hard. I thought I was going to watch my pony break his leg! But I stayed calm, told him to stop and pet him. He stopped and started to think. Just as I went to the leg to help him, he pushed it back and it came free. He stepped out of the feeder limping for a couple of steps and then was fine. He was even better when breakfast came.
Now I have to decide what to do about this feeder. It is still frozen in the ground so I can't move it yet. I guess I'll have to put the ponies in their stalls at night and keep them in the other paddock during the day so they can't get near it for now.

I have lots to say about Chance, but not enough time to get it all in. We did go to the clinic and I keep discovering new things about both of us. I have taken notes and will sit down later this week to right them all down. Things are good. The anxiety I have been feeling about riding him has been justified. It is coming from him and I really feel it. Just the sight of the tack makes him nervous. So I am breaking everything down for him. (and me) I won't push us through anything anymore. We are working with just the saddle pad right now. Last week he would walk away when I brought it out, this week he is walking to me and lining himself up so I can put it on him. I am using lots and lots of treats and taking it very slow to give him a whole new association with the tack. He can get pretty pushy and piggish with the treats so I have to keep that in mind when I am working with him, but so far so good! Maybe next week we will be ready to look at the saddle.

A wonderful 5 minutes!

I rode my pony Shadow today for the 1st time in 2 years. He looks so good,his weight is good, his eyes are bright and lately he walks over to me with a "Lets go do something fun" look. So today I took him out of the paddock with the thought of doing some ground work so I could brush up on somethings. He is wonderful to work with, very light, willing and he really has no issues so I can work on me without fear or emotions getting in the way. When we were done he wasn't ready to go back in the paddock, I was going to take him for a walk but his CC (his brother) was intently
looking for a place to go through the fence. That's when I decided to hop on. I grabbed my helmet, stood on a bucket and got on bareback. After about a minute of him getting adjusted to me on his back he walked to the gate and really wanted to go someplace. He isn't physically ready for that and I didn't want CC to go through the fence so we didn't go anywhere. I stayed on for about 5 minutes and it was great! He had that old look in his eyes, a spring in his step and was happy. And I haven't stopped smiling all afternoon!