The little things are big, but I'm still afraid

It is funny how the little things mean so much now. My goals have changed tremendously in the last year. It makes me so happy to see Chance as part of a herd now. The ponies are old but they are good company for him. CC doesn't realize that he is almost 30 so he does make a good playmate at times. Other times it's not so pretty between the two of them, but CC is teaching Chance boundaries and giving him companionship, I can do that too but I'm not a horse.

Chance has learned to be okay with the saddle pad and he is starting to be good with the saddle now too. His feet are getting freed up which is making a big difference with his mind. Backing is still not great but its better and he tries so hard! Small steps but they mean so much.

So why is it that even though we are making progress I still have doubts and fear? I guess I have a tendency to be hard on myself. I guess that's the human side of me. Chance is also doing better with standing while I pretend to get on. I never thought I would be okay with 'pretending' to get on. It IS a big deal that my horse is willing to stand still for me. and that he WANTS to be with me. Even though so much has been so scary for him never stops trying.

It is hard to go back to the beginning (and I do mean the beginning) with a horse that has had trauma like Chance. It is also amazing how forgiving he is when I make a mistake. Sometimes I wonder if he is too much for me or will we really get to the place I dream about? And even after making progress every time we do something I still wonder if the fear is going to go away, will I be able to be a leader for him? I think we can get there. I wish I could say I know it because if the doubts don't go away I'm afraid I am holding us back. I guess I will stick to the stuff we know today and just see what happens.