Tomorrow

I just got in from dinner, it's 10:30. I am mentally fried. I have a full stomach and my head aches. I'm not worried about tomorrow, we'll get through it. I wish I could put my finger on what is troubling Chance so much. I keep trying to clear my head and get quiet and calm inside, but I can't think anymore. Maybe thats the problem with Chance. Maybe thats what he is trying to teach me. I was so blindsided by what happened yesterday that I have stopped thinking clearly and I have become a fumbling mess. I have made training mistakes with him, thank goodness they are so forgiving but I do worry that I am going to ruin him. What frustrates me most about the mistakes I am making this weekend is that when I get into this frame of mind I make the same ones over and over again. And stupid ones. So maybe thats why he can't free up his feet. Not so much because of the mistakes I am making but because I can't free up my mind, and it is showing through his feet. I can't think clearly and he can't walk freely. I'm not being clear with what I am asking him to do. I love this blog, putting my thoughts into words is helping. So tomorrow my job is to be clear, quiet and focused when asking Chance to move. No more, no less.

2nd Day of Libby Clinic

Okay, so today was better. It would have started better if I had shown up with more confidence and energy. The lack of energy came from not sleeping much last night thinking about yesterday. The lack of confidence came from my frustration and not knowing why Chance had such a tough day. The good news was that after about 1/2 an hour of ground work I was riding him. Improvement there. He is still REALLY stuck though. The 1st time I asked him to trot he gave me a little crow hop. So a gradual increase of speed was key to eventually getting a trot. It was sticky all afternoon, I ended with one fairly good ride around the ring. On another note some toys where brought into the ring, a black bucket with a ball in it, noodles and a large pvc pipe bridge to ride under. Hanging from the pipe was bright orange strands of tape, gold and silver garland and a couple of baloons. This was fun for Chance. He likes to investigate new things and had no trouble with any of it. I think it would have been more fun if he was relaxed and not so stuck. But I'll take what I got today and hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

1st day of Libby Clinic

Okay, so in trying to stay positive I'm going to say that I'm glad I listened to the vibes I was getting from Chance and didn't ride. If I have learned anything from this horse it is to listen to him and go with my gut. Found another sticky spot. I couldn't come up with a really good reason not to ride him, just that he didn't feel okay. He was giving me lots of sutle clues and like I just said, I have learned to listen very closely. So Libby was watching me do my ground work trying to find what was wrong. He was light, responsive but off. So she asked me to walk quickly infront of him and he responded by staying with me with slack in the lead. She asked me to get quicker and he did the same. This is when I usually stop and go on to something else, but she asked me to run and his response was different this time. We found the sticky spot. Speed. He had a full blown nutty. So this is what I worked on for 2 hours. Asking him to give me speed and be okay with it. He had lots of nutty's in these 2 hours.

Now not only was he having this new problem but I was making it worse because I was becoming totally discombobulated. I would end up chasing him, or getting too far in front of him or too far behind. So I slowed things down to get myself back together but had to be careful that he was not getting into a shut down trot. At the end of the 2 hours Libby took him, did a few things with him and said he felt better, which made me feel better.

I am trying not to be hard on me. We had such a good day at the park on Thursday and today was a complete mess. I am grateful that he showed me what is troubling him at Libby's clinic. A told me that we need to have the good days to build our confidence to prepare us for days like this. I did hold it together when he was falling apart and he was able to look to me for help. That was big. I will hold on to her words for tonight which gives me hope for tomorrow.

Now I'm going to eat, have a BIG glass of wine, a shower, put on my jammies and sleep.

Shivery horse this morning - Changes this Fall

Fall may not be here according to the calendar, but the weather sure felt like it this morning. Poor Chance was shivering quite a bit when I went out to feed breakfast and Pi was not his usual cheerful self. He tossed his head and grunted when he saw me coming. I think he was telling me that it had been a cold night and breakfast couldn't come fast enough. Pi is Jaye's standardbred who is now living here to keep Chance company. I love having him here. He has such a pleasant calmness about him. My barn is so peaceful. The horses get along nicely and can be separated without anyone getting too upset. Well, Chance isn't crazy about being left alone and whinnies but there doesn't seem to be a big risk of him running through the fence. That's the hard part of having only 2 horses here, somebody gets left behind.

So many changes this year. Derek is in college and living in Westbrook. He may be home next month though, he is getting a wonderful education on the value of a dollar. Having an apartment without a job is not working out for him. I hope he finds one. It has been fun watching him in this new phase of his life. And I'm glad he isn't far away. He is close enough to come home a couple of times a week but just far enough to spread his wings and live on his own even if it is just for a short time.

Marissa is enjoying school this year. She didn't want to go back but now seems to be jumping right in and embracing the challenging classes she is taking this year. She is the stage manager for drama again, her 3rd year and starting to talk about college. Wherever she goes drama and theater is a must for her. Not acting, she enjoys all of the backstage excitement. Maybe directing? She isn't sure yet.

I am starting a new job (again). Driving a school bus. Getting a job that offers health insurance is a priority right now. And the hours will allow me to work in the office at home (for the plumbing & heating David does), bake dog biscuits, clean the house and ride my horse. I'm in the middle of my training right now, I parallel parked the bus yesterday! Twice! This is a job I never thought I would want to do, not in a million years. But I am actually having fun with the training and I think there might be hope that I will enjoy this. I have not found a job I have enjoyed since giving up the preschool and daycare. That I loved and will miss it for the rest of my life. Driving the kids to school is a completely different way of working with kids but I am hopeful that I will enjoy it. I won't be driving for a couple of months.

I have been baking Boca's Biscuits for 1 year now. That is going well. I bought a new commercial oven (which isn't working right now) that will bake approx. 200 large biscuits at a time. This is going to save me a bunch of time! Hopefully it will be working next week.

I think it is time to go to bed now, I love my flannel pajama pants and wrapping up in all of the blankets with the window open a little this time of year. The air is cold and smells nice, and sometimes if the it is very quiet I can hear the horses at night. That makes me smile.

HEP

Chance and I went to the Hollis Equestrian Park this afternoon with A and Val. I was a little nervous about getting on after 2 months so we started with our ground work. The other change I have made is using a bosal instead of a bit. Tacking him up with the bosal has made a big difference. So much less stress in him. So today was the 1st ride with it. It was awesome. It was the final piece to the puzzle in helping him feel good about being ridden. He was so light and willing to go all over that ring. He wasn't glued to Val, he wasn't worried about anything and wanted to go. He is the horse that in the past felt like a rusty tin-man. He didn't want to go anywhere and never at a trot. Not today. He was trotting all over that ring and never once tripped. Now I can remember why I have a horse again. I am really looking forward to this weekend.

Started over again

I can't believe that it has been 2 months since I have ridden Chance. There are lots of reasons, summer with kids, Chance's lameness, my illnesses, the heat, a very rainy summer, and honestly I just haven't felt like it. So regardless of all that I am starting over again with him....once more.

I have worked with him on the ground twice in the last few days and we are making progress very quickly. He really didn't feel like doing anything at first either. And I wasn't sure where to start. I went into the paddock with no idea of what I wanted to do and in a few minutes things just started rolling along. It felt really good to see that we haven't really fallen behind and that all the work we did in the Spring was good quality work. It all came back to us quickly, he even had a spring in his steps and before I knew it we were both having fun.

If all goes well we will be going to Libby's clinic this weekend.

Marissa's Rat Idore

One of Marissa's pet rats died today. He had been sick for a couple of months with either an upper respiratory infection or a weak heart. I have never seen anyone work so hard to try and save a rat's life than Marissa. We took him to the vets and put him on antibiotics, she worked so hard around the house to pay off the vet bill. She kept the cage spotless and never forgot to give him his medicine. On the days that his breathing seemed more difficult she would take him outside for fresh air and sit with him. On the hot days she would keep the fan on him and do everything she could think of to keep him comfortable.

My heart is breaking for her tonight. She has gone to bed and I can hear her sobbing. Little Idore isn't suffering anymore and as we all know in time the pain will ease for Marissa. And we will continue to get more pets, small & large ones, and fall in love over & over again because we can't live without the joy they bring us while they are alive.