Balance and Harmony

I use the words balance and harmony a lot, trying to put both into my life. I have always thought of them as the same thing, but today I am separating them. Trying to get on Chance from the right without a mounting block really showed me how unbalanced I am! There was no way it was going to happen. But if I want a truly balanced horse I have got to start balancing myself. So I am using my left side as much as possible. This is actually kind of fun.

I am looking at harmony as something totally different. Not a physical thing like being balanced. I need harmony in my life. Like so many other people I am pulled from one thing to the next trying to do as much as I can in very little time. You know, husband, kids, work, dogs, cleaning, horses, fun, and oh ya cooking. When I am involved with one thing something else is not being taken care of. So, I am going to try and put some harmony into my life. There will never be balance because sometimes one thing is a priority so yes the other things get left for later. Things pile up, its life. But if there is a way to at least maintain everything so I don't feel like I'm buried under the laundry pile or paperwork I think it will help. Even if this idea is only that; an idea or a dream; it's a nice one to work towards.

I rode my horse

I really needed to get on Chance before the clinic to help with my butterflies. A came over and I did it this morning. When I saddled him he was okay, but not so sure about the cinching up part. As I would reach for it he would walk away. So we would walk until he felt better. The saddle even fell off his back once. It hit his foot as it came off, he just looked at it with no reaction. After some walking and the saddle coming off a couple of times he was ready for the cinch. Just loose at first and more walking, a little tighter and then some trotting and cantering. He looked great, moved great so I decided it was time to get on. First I just layed over the saddle and played with the stirrup on the other side. Then did it from the right. More playing with the saddle and then I got on. There was no reaction from him so we walked around following A while she helped Chance with his new job, helping us pick up rocks. It's a silly little job but it keeps my mind busy and it gives us purpose. We are making quite a pile of the most beautiful rocks! We walked everywhere and even through the barrels. My stirrup hit one as we went through and made quite a noise, I think the barrel even moved. Again, no reaction, we were pretty focused on the rocks. After about 10 minutes we stopped and he started to yawn, yawn and yawn. That's when I new we were finished. So I took my feet out of the stirrups and stretched my legs, sat for another minute, got off and loosened up the cinch.
For the 1st time in a very long time being on my horse felt good. Other than the butterflies at first it just felt good. I think the word content fits well. The trick is now to remember this feeling and carry it with me when we ride. I have to promise never to take us too far too soon. Baby steps and I do believe we will be riding everywhere together.

Goals

Greg's clinic is this weekend. I have thought about writing down some goals for the year. As I am sitting here the only goal I can come up with is to be able to ride my horse anywhere safely, have him remain with me mentally all of the time, and to have fun. So with the clinic coming up in a few days it will be a good opportunity to start... with baby steps.

The Saddle

Chance has worn the saddle twice this week. It's almost too easy. I'm not complaining, just wondering if I'm missing something. He stands so politely, ground tied. He watches me do everything, gets himself ready for it and I toss it up on his back. He doesn't walk away, shut down, or anything. I am doing all the ground work I can think of before I put it on him and today we did it all again with the saddle on. I even asked him to come pick me up at the mounting block (both directions) I didn't get on but I could have and I think he would have been fine. I did halter stuff, threw ropes on him everywhere, asked him to drop his head, back up, and more. Then I took the halter off and asked him to move. He walked, trotted and cantered in both directions very nicely, never lost control, and was mentally with me the entire time. He was able to speed up and slow down and then stop and turn to me while disengaging his hind quarters very nicely. He gave me a great big sigh and I decided that it was time to stop. I gave him a flake of hay to munch on while still wearing the saddle while I did barn chores.
He is relaxed and happy. It is very nice.

A great farrier visit!

I keep saying it but Chance REALLY is a great teacher! He has been telling me all along that nobody is ever going to MAKE him do anything. But he will be happy to do whatever is asked because he wants to. All he requires is that he is asked with respect and softness. Libby's advice to give him his foot when he pulls was priceless. When he knows he can have it back he is always very willing to give it back again. I have programmed myself to be ready for a stressful farrier visit, so I hold right on to the knot of the halter, hold his head and the farrier holds his feet and the poor horse is suffocating. Today I stood with 2-3 feet of slack in the lead line while Chance's feet RESTED in the farrier's hands. The farrier was able to do a thorough job on his feet for the 1st time in 8 months!

Why is it that we think we can actually force a horse to do anything? Is it because of the size difference? Is it out of fear? Frustration? Yes, there are times when a person needs to firm up on a horse. But it has to be done right. Maybe with a horse who has had been handled rough in the past needs extra softness. He knows the difference and he will only shut down when the pressure is too much. He could fight back, but chooses not to. And he still likes people. How lucky we are that horses are so forgiving!

Why is it that when I have thought about softness I only practiced it from the saddle or when doing ground work. Why wouldn't it apply to his feet?! Why wouldn't it apply to everything! When I go to the paddock Chance always comes to great me. Even if he is eating hay way on the other side. He stops whatever he is doing and meets me at least half way. There is no halter, no ropes, nothing physical. He does it because he WANTS to. I can't say enough of what a wonderful gift that is. I can't ever let myself forget this or take this for granted. The things we are going to be able to do are limitless.

I can see the trail rides we will go on in my mind, now it's time that they become a reality! And I think today is the day that I might just really be starting to believe it. Because Chance and I both want it.

That last post was really whiny!

After reading what I wrote I realize how whiny I sounded! I guess I'm just having a week of doubts and feeling insecure. But I haven't given up and I don't plan on it.

The little things are big, but I'm still afraid

It is funny how the little things mean so much now. My goals have changed tremendously in the last year. It makes me so happy to see Chance as part of a herd now. The ponies are old but they are good company for him. CC doesn't realize that he is almost 30 so he does make a good playmate at times. Other times it's not so pretty between the two of them, but CC is teaching Chance boundaries and giving him companionship, I can do that too but I'm not a horse.

Chance has learned to be okay with the saddle pad and he is starting to be good with the saddle now too. His feet are getting freed up which is making a big difference with his mind. Backing is still not great but its better and he tries so hard! Small steps but they mean so much.

So why is it that even though we are making progress I still have doubts and fear? I guess I have a tendency to be hard on myself. I guess that's the human side of me. Chance is also doing better with standing while I pretend to get on. I never thought I would be okay with 'pretending' to get on. It IS a big deal that my horse is willing to stand still for me. and that he WANTS to be with me. Even though so much has been so scary for him never stops trying.

It is hard to go back to the beginning (and I do mean the beginning) with a horse that has had trauma like Chance. It is also amazing how forgiving he is when I make a mistake. Sometimes I wonder if he is too much for me or will we really get to the place I dream about? And even after making progress every time we do something I still wonder if the fear is going to go away, will I be able to be a leader for him? I think we can get there. I wish I could say I know it because if the doubts don't go away I'm afraid I am holding us back. I guess I will stick to the stuff we know today and just see what happens.